Where Do You Draw the Line?
As I write I am sitting at Panera Bread unintentionally eavesdropping on a conversation that is going on at the table behind me. The ladies are deep in discussion about Christmas. . .shopping, parties, plans. And I promise you, I have counted as they have said the word “stress” a total of 17 times. . .oops, make that 18.
Is it possible to have the holidays without STRESS? What do you think? Sometimes it feels like people even get a jolt about sharing the amount of stress they are under this time of year - as if they are proud of all of their whirling and twirling. Maybe I have even been that someone before. Why is that??
As church planting wives we are not unlike anyone else. Our calendars fill up so quickly. There are so many places to go and people to see, mentoring opportunities, coffee meetings, small groups, etc. . .And it’s not just during the holidays. All year round we are bombarded.
In the past month my kids have received at least 6 birthday party invitations. I have been invited to 3 baby showers. I have hosted many a dessert night for newcomers at church. We have partied and played and listened. We have funerals and weddings to attend. Seniors graduate and send us invitations. The list goes on and on. . .
And don’t get me wrong. It is an honor to be involved in the lives of so many. It’s community. Its life. It’s why we do what we do.
But I’m wondering. . .do you set up boundaries in these areas? How do you decide what birthday parties your kids will attend? How do you say “no” to some and “yes” to others? Do you feel obligated to attend every event, every Mary Kay party, every wedding? What advice have you been given or given others when faced with so many things to do? How do you gracefully handle or should I say, prevent, the STRESS of overextending your family? We’d love to hear your practical 1-2-3’s. Where do you draw the line?? (WHEW! That’s a lot of quesitons! I hope you will pick at least one and jump into the conversation)
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posted by Amy Colón
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Comments
Dec 12, 2008 at 12:22 PM
What is this boundaries you speak of? What?
Actually this is a very delicate balance, you almost always end up offending someone or hurting feelings. We are almost up to our ears in invites/people coming over but are "trying" limiting ourselves to about 2-3 events a week if they line up. Lets say trying is the operative word. Most of the time our schedule is so full with small groups, prayer meetings & planning that it is hard to balance anything else.
On the other hand we do feel obligated to try and make ourselves attend every event, even though we can't we still feel obligated. We typically feel bad if we can't make it to everything. I am sure that will change at some point when we learn this boundaries thing you speak of-oh wise Amy!
We aren't superhuman even though we try over and over and over to be!
Dec 12, 2008 at 04:48 PM
@Tiffany - hehe "O wise Amy" Not so sure about that one! You are right, the balance is VERY delicate. I'll share some details of what we TRY to do in a few days. Right now we are out the door to a birthday party!haha
Dec 14, 2008 at 03:11 AM
Here are a few things I TRY to do. . .I'm not sure you would call them boundaries - maybe guidelines. . .
1. I personally only throw baby showers for staff and staff wives. I attend others, but those are the only ones I organize.
2. I purchase birthday gifts year round when I find a gem on the Target clearance endcaps and keep a box of them for when birthday party mania happens.
3. I'm honest - if our family is overextended I just simply let the person who invited us know. I think people really do appreciate honesty and authenticity. But we do try to attend as much as possible.
That's a few - I'll let you know if I think of more.
Dec 17, 2008 at 06:52 PM
1. We make it a priority to attend events for church staff families.
2. Outside of that we look at our calendar. If we can make it, we do. If we can't, we, too, are honest and explain that we are overextended. With that in mind, we try to make an event for that family in the future. We want to make sure we don't get stuck in a "clique" ourselves and are continually reaching out to our church families and community.
Dec 18, 2008 at 07:48 PM
we follow a lot of the other suggestions and we also "shut down" the week or so before christmas. no night commitments, no evening work commitments, nothing. lots of time in pjs drinking cocoa by the fire (maybe that's just an image in my head)
our church office also "closes" from christmas to new year's. staff still "kinda" works some on and off... but for the most part that week is totally relaxed and well deserved. we will have services on the 28th, but no week office hours.
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