GlocalNet

On date night my husband, Kevin, often asks me the question, “so what is God teaching you?”  Some nights I jump on that question with an answer that no doubt offered much more detail than any male ever wanted to know.  There are days and seasons when God seems to work continuously to drill into me a truth that I need to accept or internalize in order to move into the next step of the journey he has planned.  Sometimes I drink in those lessons with passion. 

Other nights I’m literally speechless when Kevin asks.  The question catches me off guard and I find myself scrambling to come up with an answer just so I don’t come across as being unconnected or “unspiritual”  for the week. 

Truth is. . .though I’m always aware of at least a portion of the “God activity” going on around me and in me, I’m not always close enough to my Father to discern what He is trying to mess with and move in my life.  Have you ever been there?...this place where you know God is trying to pry something out of you like the splinter that my daughter, Claire, got in her finger while playing in the fields in KY last month?. . .she was aware of it. . .she felt the twinge of discomfort. . .but she would rather let it sit there and fester than to go through the trauma of digging that thing out.  And as soon as someone tried to hold her down to pry out the splinter, she would scream and run. . .retreat to a safe place.  I think that’s where I’ve been lately. . .aware of the splinter, but choosing to sit back and retreat in a safe place, hoping it would just pop out on its own.

But what I have discovered lately and throughout this church planting journey is that there are some things that God lets us choose on our own.  He gives us freedom and wisdom to make lots of our own choices and moves through life.  And then there are times when He chooses to completely push us into a corner and hold us down in order to get the results he wants (lovingly, of course).  It’s sometimes difficult and He has to push really hard.  For me, often there is a lot of pride that has to be stripped away.  And like Claire’s splinter, it can be pretty stinkin’ painful. 

That is where I have been lately.  For those of you who have read this blog for a while, I’m sure you have noticed that I have written less over the last few months.  I’m a little bit embarrassed by that.  But in all honesty, retreating from a lot of things is where I have camped out lately.  And it hasn’t been a bad thing.  It’s actually been quite freeing as I am now at the tail end of this funky season in my life.  But it has been painful.  My pride has been broken at the realization that I’m not the super woman who can “do it all” that I so desperately want to be.  My pride has been broken at the realization that I only have the ability to do a very few things in life with the excellence (but not perfection) that God wants.  My pride has been broken at the fact that God intends for me to do the main things he has called me to do truly WELL before venturing into more commitments and responsibilities.  I’ve questioned a lot.  I’ve fought God on a lot.  I’ve played the comparison game as I have seen other women of God seemingly do so much more than I can manage.  But I have come to a really good and healthy place through it all.  I am confident in what God has called me to be. . .a disciple, a wife and mom, a teacher and a light to Superior, Colorado.  Satan often fools me into thinking this is not enough.  But I know in my heart that is it SO MUCH.  And as an honor to God and to the lessons he has taught me through this season, I am choosing to let you know that this will be my last Church Planting Wives blog entry.

As I look at my list above and see all that God has called me to be, I know that he has given me a heart for loving on and encouraging you, the church planting wife, as well.  I won’t deny that.  If my list were to continue, speaking life into you, my sisters, would follow next on the list.  I love each of you so much and have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know you and your stories.  But for today - for this new season in my journey - God is calling me to focus my energies on “calls” that he solidified in my heart long ago and I never fully gave my best efforts or commitment. 

In my heart, I really do hope that doors will open again in the future for me to share my stories with church planting wives.  You do have a piece of my heart and always will.  But for today. . .it’s time to step out of that safe place of not moving at all and back into the journey. . .my road is twisting and turning in another direction yet again.

Thank you so much for reading.  Thank you to Glocalnet who is an absolutely fantastic group of people genuinely after the heartbeat of God.  It has been an honor to serve with you.  My love and blessing to you all. . .

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posted by Amy Colón
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