Sometimes I Think My Husband Has All the Fun
Confessions of a Church Planting Wife (Part 4)
I’m just wondering today if any of you are like me? Does it ever feel as if your husband is the one who has all the fun?
As church planting wives we wear so many hats. We are mom and wife and counselor and chef and family planner and housekeeper and the sounding board for all kinds of church stuff and encourager of our husband and. . .the list goes on and on. . . Most days I am more than thrilled with my role. But I must admit that there are some days that I find myself getting so envious inside. Those days would more than likely looks something like this. . .
Two of the three girls wake up on the wrong side of the bed, fussing and fighting before I even get the chance to say “good morning.” The dog is going crazy, needing to go for a walk. The waffles burn in the toaster. The computer connection is down. The car needs to be in the shop by 9am. No one can find their shoes. And then the phone rings. . . it’s Kevin just checking in with his typical bubbly voice to say “good morning.” He tells me how he just had a great early morning conversation with this guy he has been mentoring. He tells me how God is doing great things in the life of his friend and how deep and energizing their conversation had been. They started their day in a quiet restaurant that specializes in my favorite breakfast dishes. And being there made him think of me. So he just wanted to call and say, “hello.”
“Yea, yea, yea. . .hello,” I’m thinking. And with every last bit of energy I have, I try to sound so happy for him. But inside his news was just like a punch in the gut. You know the feeling. What about me?????
Kevin dancing with the Hmong ladies in Vietnam last week
When my kids were younger I struggled with these feelings a lot. My husband was the one that seemed to be having all the fun - having coffee, playing golf, traveling, going to game nights and community affairs all for the sake of the Kingdom - and I was the one left at home knee deep in diapers and spit up. He’d say, “why don’t you get out and be with some people in the community” and all I could possibly muster up the energy to do was to take a shower (on a good day).
Kevin at the orphanage in Hanoi
Those were and are the days that I have to make a conscious decision. . .I have to choose not to be envious, but instead to continue to encourage him to keep at it. . .doing life with people is what God called us to do and people like to eat and play golf and drink coffee. And I also have to remember that life is full of seasons. And just as quickly as one begins, it ends. As we have taken on this call to church planting I have already experienced quite a few different “seasons.” Some have kept me in a role that was less than desirable to my taste. Looking back, it is there where I have learned and grown a ton. Others have been overwhelmingly fulfilling. Sometimes I find myself frustrated because I want to be out there “doing life” with people more often, having regular “God conversations” with a real talking and breathing adult. Other times I find myself almost giddy at the fact that I get to stay in my pajamas and play dress up with my girls all day long. It just depends on the day.
After a while I figured out that Kevin and I would need to decide on a consistent trade off - a planned opportunity for me to be able to get out into the world alone - without children to herd - and be an adult - and invest in the lives of others. But do I still think that some days he has all the fun? Yep. Thank goodness God has been working hard to show me about all the fun he has provided for me as well. It looks different than Kevin’s “fun,” but it is equally noble and an equal investment in the Kingdom.
What do you do to balance your time at home that is full of daily responsibilities with the role of building relationships with others for the sake of the Kingdom?
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posted by Amy Colón
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Comments
Oct 9, 2008 at 11:26 AM
O, and by the way. . .I do have an amazing husband who works hard to make sure that I get to do and be all of those things that God called me to be. I go to Vietnam and he stays with the kids. I plan a girls night and he is more than willing to tuck the girls in. . .it's usually the days when my heart is not right before God that I forget how significant my role is.
Oct 9, 2008 at 01:10 PM
Amy, seriously, I am so thankful for this site. Sometimes I feel like you walked into my life and write about it. What a blessing, a huge blessing, to know that other church planting wives feel the same way. I have struggled with this, particularly the part about encouraging Dan to keep doing those things I wish I was doing.
I am with you, and some days I still struggle. We too try to find times for me to go be a grown up, but then sometimes I just want to be with him, as a grown up--and that takes a sitter.
Recently my approach with my kiddos is that I never apologize for them being around, and if it is at all possible, I do things at my home or somewhere they can go. They are getting good at entertaining themselves and each other for a good hour, so that I can have a conversation. But I never apologize for them being around, and I have not had anyone upset. Dan also picks one morning a week that I can make coffee appointments with women, or go to someone's house to help them, etc. And what has been very exciting lately is that I am doing preschool with another mom. So we teach our young children (even the 1 and 2 year olds get involved) and then they play, and we talk. It cuts costs down too.
And, email, facebook, and text messages are my daily helpers. I can even send someone a message if I have screaming kids, loud music, or a barking dog!
Oct 12, 2008 at 04:48 PM
i laughed out loud when i read this earlier this week! it just so happened that pete was out of town having a blast at catalyst and i was following along via twitter and catalyst backstage thinking "wish i was there."
you're totally right on, they do what they do because of our support. i always tell myself that i'm in a season where i can't always join pete traveling as much as i'd like. but before i know it our kids will be grown and i'll be tagging along again!
love the post!
Oct 12, 2008 at 11:00 PM
@Carlee and Brandi - I'm so glad I'm not alone! We may not get to have all the "fun," but we still have our computers. . .thank goodness for the great opportunities that we have been given to connect with all kinds of people even when the kids are screaming.
Oct 13, 2008 at 02:02 PM
I have struggled with this one alot. My husband and I have only been on the field church planting for 2 months and it is hard to see my husband go out and eat lunch with someone or have coffee with someone and he gets to put it toward his church budget. However, I stay home with two little ones trying to heat up left overs for me and one little one and nurse the other because we don't have money in our personal budget for us to go out.
Before church planting though I struggled because my husband was in youth ministry and he would go to camps and things and get these spiritual highs and be a part of all the inside jokes. I would be at home alone doing school work and later working because I couldn't take the vacation time.
I have to constantly tell God to work on my heart. At least now I am not at home alone and I get to spend so much more quality time with our boys than he does. We have joined a mommy group too and I'm hoping this will help us get out and make friends and not feel so alone at times.
It is great to see that others struggle with the same things I have struggled with. Ministry is such a blessing but can be so hard.
Oct 13, 2008 at 05:58 PM
Amy, you are so right. I feel like this a lot:) Its a struggle finding a balance with everything that is expected of you. I've learned that this is my season for my kids while they are young and its "okay" if I cant be at everything. But it is hard because sometimes I would really like to be there and away from the house! Thank you so much for your blogs!
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