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As church planting wives we are always adding to our “bag of tricks.”  I didn’t realize it at first, nor did I plan to acquire such a wealth of knowledge and opportunity for getting things done on the fly.  But often times, the life of a church planting wife and mom calls for quick fixes, rush clean up jobs, ingenuity and “pulling it off” with grace.  No, I’m not the queen of pulling it off.  I still freak out at times and things do get a bit too hectic.  But I must say that over the years I have learned quite a few trick of the trade that have proved invaluable time and time again.  Some people will say to me, “I don’t know how you do it all,”  I just laugh.  “Believe me, I don’t,” is my reply.  “I’ve just learned a few tricks.” 

For example, I have a closet that I would absolutely die for anyone to open during a party or life group.  Because of that closet, my house looks spotless.  Okay, “spotless” is going a bit too far.  I have 3 kids and a dog.  Nothing is ever spotless.  And if that closet is opened, watch out! to anyone in it’s fallout path.  Still, I have a 10 minute house clean up job down to an art.  And that closet has saved me more times than I care to admit.

Also, because I have 3 girls and they have lots of long hair that rarely gets brushed before we get to the school for Sunday setup, I have a box in my mini van trunk full of brushes, hairbands and ribbons marked “Sunday Scramble.”  It’s also equipped with gum for when we fail to brush teeth, small boxes of cereal for when we miss breakfast and a few toys to pass the time for when they are waiting for people to arrive and church to start.  It saves me almost every week.

A final good one is that I keep a package of thank you cards and stamps in the glove box of my van and post it notes above the visor.  I’m not sure if you are like me, but often times it’s drive time that I get my only opportunity in the middle of a crazy day to sit down and think.  Typically what happens …

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Remember the blog series that I told you was a “must read” a few days ago?  Well, I just have to tell you that last Tuesday night on date night Kevin and I decided to stay home, grill a little steak and sit at the table with the laptop.  Have you ever heard anything more romantic??  Okay, maybe it didn’t spark a night full of romance (or maybe it did!?), but WOW did it spark some fantastic conversation!  So here is your assignment, ladies. . .next week, grill your man a steak, put the kids to bed early, sit next to the computer, and together, you and your man read through the series “8 Things that Destroyed Our Marriage”  After each entry, talk honestly about how you are doing in those areas as a couple.  It will be well worth your time.  And your marriage and family just might thank you for it.  Let me know how it goes!!
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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook

A few days ago I was eavesdropping on a facebook conversation between some church planting wives that I know.  Well, I say I know them. . .they are my cyber friends, I suppose - great ladies serving God with all their hearts.  The conversation was entitled “spending time with people.”  I found it quite intriguing and wanted to know what you think?

The question was basically this. . .“How do you BE Christ to them (people God places in your path who have lots of needs) and still be able to meet other people and have ministry outside of that one couple?? ”  Again, I thought this was quite appropriate since we have been talking here about nurturing a healthy family and marriage in the middle of starting a church.

Here’s how a bit more of the conversation played out. . .

First, you have to keep your priorities straight, or you are not qualified to help. Hopefully this is a long term relationship where you will walk with them for years, so now is a good time to set some limits for yourself. We try, unless there is a true crisis that needs solving at the moment, to incorporate people into our lives rather than dropping our lives to help. If we are cooking dinner and they show up, they come in and pitch in in the kitchen. If I am helping my kids with homework, they can sit and do homework with us, but I tactfully do not allow them to take over and demand adult conversation.

Also, understand biblically what you are called to do for anyone. It comes from Galatians 6:

Doing Good to All
1Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.  2Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.  3If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.  4Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, 5for each one should carry his own load.

The key verses are 2 and 5. Verse 2: Carry each other’s burdens. Burdens are like a heavy load you would need help carrying. (dictionary.com says “that which is …

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For anyone who knows me and my husband, Kevin, you have heard us talk and Tweet and Facebook and blog about Date Night.  It’s a long-standing ritual in our family.  As soon as we moved our family to Colorado to start the church and found some trustworthy teenage babysitters, we started weekly date nights.  It’s a sacrifice financially.  I won’t lie.  But I have no doubt this is the number one reason our marriage has been able to withstand the craziness of planting a church and doing life together.  And I had all of these things that I was planning to say. . .but wouldn’t you know it, Michelle Obama said it pretty well herself - so check this out. . .

Making Date Night a priority was the absolute #1 best advice I was ever given as we moved to start a church.  And it’s not only for the sake of the kids, though that is HUGE, but it’s for the whole family.  It’s when we as a couple, apart from being church planters, slow down and reconnect.  It’s the best 2 hours of the week!  Nope, it’s not always happy and lovey and mushy. . .but it’s SO worth it - It’s how we have stayed healthy.

Do you have a regular date night with your spouse?
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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook

I know that a lot of people read this blog who are not necessarily church planters or a church planting wife.  Today’s entry is just for you!  Everybody can join in!

Lately I have been addicted to watching The Bachelor.  I don’t know what it is about that show that draws me in every single time, but all of a sudden it’s as if I know this guy, Jason, and I’m somehow invested in his future - his kid, his love life, his potential future marriage.  And I can so easily sum up the character flaws of each girl he has to choose from.  I cheer when he sends the girl home.  I yell at the TV when I think he makes a bonehead choice like sending Stephanie from Alabama home last week.  I sit on the couch and critique every situation that ABC chooses to allow us to view.  And I care. . .it’s reality tv for crying out loud. . .and for some reason, I care!

Why do we care so much about other people’s love life?  How is it that The Bachelor can become a person we have never met, yet want the best for?  I think it’s because everyone dreams of the perfect love story.  We all want it to happen to us.  And just like Cinderella or Snow White, we want the mice to dance and the birds to sing and to be standing in the middle of a beautiful scene kissing our prince or princess when the curtains close or “The End” appears on the screen.

But the true REALITY is that marriage is really hard work.  When Jason chooses his potential wife in a few weeks, they will kiss and the show will come to an end, but the truth is that their reality will only then be beginning.  The reality of marriage is that some days birds sing and the sun shines brightly and some days you have to work harder than you ever even realized you could.  It’s tough to keep a marriage healthy. . .but it’s o, so worth it. 

So today I’m wondering. . .if you could say, “This is the one thing that has kept our marriage healthy more than anything else”. . . what would it be?  
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Now isn’t that a lovely opening shot!!!  Thanks Vimeo!

boundaries from amy colon on Vimeo.

*Side hugs - no “straight on” hugs (hey, that’s practical, right?)

*No riding in a car alone with the opposite sex. (Any time a lady calls and needs a ride or something of this manner, Kevin comes home to keep the kids and I go and give the ride - or vise versa)

*Limited “one on one” meetings with ladies IN PUBLIC. If needed, she will be directed to me, another female in the church or a counselor OR she can start meeting with both myself and my husband together if she chooses. (Of course, this guideline is the way it is because we don’t have a church office.  Most meetings are at the local coffee shop.)

*We have all of each other’s passwords for Facebook, Twitter, email - accountability - some people think this is a sign of lack of trust.  Not at all - it says to us that we trust each other enough to open up all of our life to each other.  (FYI - I don’t read any personal emails from people seeking counseling or sharing private stuff.  I just notice if there are a lot of messages from any particular person - does that make sense?)

*He has given me the freedom to share with him when I think another lady is becoming “too friendly.” Guys are so dumb to this sometimes (no offense), but we ladies can spot a trouble maker a mile away!   Seriously, I’m laughing, but you know it’s true.

*We share our entire schedule every day via Google calendar or actually talking to each other (imagine that!) and let each other know if something new comes up.  We do this not just for the sake of accountability, but also because we like discovering the opportunity to share an unexpected lunch together.

*We use Covenant Eyes (an online tracker of websites visited)

*We have friends and confidants who keep us accountable and ask tough questions.
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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church …

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. . .or beautiful, blond and alluring - to pretend that we are somehow exempt from these temptations simply because we are the “holy family” on the block is completely ridiculous, don’t you think?  And yet, it’s what we do sometimes. 

For some of us, it’s all about image.  We can’t go there because it would be inappropriate.  We are the counselors of the tempted.  We can’t possibly be one of them.  What would people think?

For others, we are embarrassed or scared.  We’ll just keep it to ourselves and pray the temptations just don’t get too strong. 

And even for others, we live in denial.  We know we make silly decisions and we see the eggshells that we are walking on each and every day and just hope and pray neither of us steps too hard. 

But for a lot of us, we just don’t take time to open the door to the conversation.  Life goes hard and fast and there are just so many things to do that the days pass.  We assume life and marriage is happy and pretty and cross our fingers that no one or nothing will hurt us.  We know that we SHOULD talk about it.  We even discuss that “shouldness” over and over with our spouse.  “Honey, we really should figure out some boundaries and start sticking to them.” “Honey, we really should come up with a plan about how to deal with her calling you for counsel all the time.”  “Honey, we really should have the carpet cleaned.”  You see!  It all just kinda runs together and just like the carpets, we do nothing until it gets completely nasty and embarrassing. 

Sometimes it takes a hard hit - unfortunately there are times that everything has to literally explode before we ever come to terms with the reality that we HAVE to have a plan within our marriage between us and the opposite sex.  We have to be proactive.  And just because we are the pastor’s family who’s job is to love and care for and counsel and carry so many others, we MUST protect our marriages first of all.  I’m vulnerable and you are, too.  Ladies, we are not exempt.  And we hear evidence of this fact over and over again as pastor’s families fall apart all the …

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Since starting a group for church planting wives last summer on Facebook I have had the privilege of “meeting” so many extraordinary ladies.  Their stories have inspired me and encouraged me, saddened me and fired me up to continue this journey of connecting ladies who are in the middle of their own church planting adventures.  We have had some fantastic conversations and together shared common challenges and blessings.  But after looking back on many of those conversations, there is one big common thread that is very obvious.  We all long for someone who has our backs. . .a kindred spirit. . .a person with wisdom to share and time to give. . .a person who listens well and lets us vent without judging, yet graciously always point us back to Peace and Truth. 

Sure, we all have tough questions about things such as running the children’s ministry in the early days of church starting or how to balance family life and church life in the middle of all the chaos.  There’s lots of people who can help us with that.  But the bottom line seems to be that more than anything we just need someone. . .someone who is ours if only for a few brief moments on a Friday night phone call when everything seems to be falling apart.  Someone separated from our church or immediate circle of influences who can be objective.  Am I right ladies?

I mean, we typically already know all the answers to the panic or frustration that often hits.  It seems as if we don’t even really need someone with the perfect advice or insight. . .we just need a listening ear and a kind voice who isn’t interested in fixing the situation but instead empathizing and encouraging us to press on.

Those people are tough to come by.  I have only had one such friend in the journey.  In all honesty, we don’t talk very often at all.  But I know she is there.  I am confident that she is only a phone call away and will always make time for me when I need her.  And boy have there been moments when I needed her!  She is wise.  And her wisdom comes out not so much in her words but in what she chooses not to say.  Does that make sense?  And I admire …

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I have become a huge advocate for the regular date night.  Two hours on a Tuesday night has saved our marriage more times than I would like to admit.  If you were to strip away all of our other little tips and techniques, I fully believe that our marriage and family would still be healthy as long as date night was in place.  So why do I think it’s so important?.

Even as newlyweds, Kevin and I somehow knew the importance of spending quality time together.  Back then there was plenty of quantity time.  A few years later when faced with a more rigorous schedule of kids and church planting, Kevin and I immediately knew this had to become one of our number one family priorities.

So. . .six years into it, date night has become one of the very best decisions we have ever made for our family.  There has never been a single week that we could afford to pay a babysitter and go out on the town.  But I can confidently say that there has also never been a week that we could afford NOT to do it either.  For Kevin and I, date night has become a non-negotiable part of how we do life.  And the benefits so outweigh the amount of money we have had to fork over to make it happen.

Briefly, here are a few tips that we take very seriously on date night. 

*Church talk must be kept to a bare minimum and some nights church talk is 100% not allowed.  This is a time for focusing on marriage building and family talk and dreaming about the future.
*Sometimes a fancy dinner is appropriate, but a lot of times a cup of coffee and a long walk is our favorite thing to do.
*Turn off the phone and don’t go to a restaurant with thirteen televisions all on a different ballgame.
*Ask good and intentional questions to each other every week.  What has God been teaching you this week?  What are you worried about?  Who are you spending intentional time with?  Are you doing okay - really?  Is there anything I can help you with?  How are WE doing? 
*Date nights are not …

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I am the official organizer, planner, and keeper of the family calendar and daily flow of our home.  I’m sure many of you can relate.  It’s a hefty job! 

I am convinced that if anything were to ever happen to me, our kids teeth would rot out because they would never get brushed, the electricity would be turned off due to lack of payment because I’m the only one in the house who knows where to checkbook is kept, and the Sunday morning crowd would revolt because the coffee pot was no longer filled and piping hot.  O, the things we do as moms and church planting wives. . .
In the early years of Cool River, when church planting was only a dream and a prospectus, Kevin and I were incredibly blessed to have some great examples of how ministry families could/should “do” life.  I was always the one asking the parents of exceptional teenagers, “how did you do it?  How did you end up with such great kids?”  And out of those conversations came much wisdom and lots of ideas.  The wisdom I took to heart - the practical ideas I determined to practice from day one - and this is what we have done. . .

The two biggie calendar moments that our family has always made a priority are Date Nights and Daddy Dates.  Neither have we ever been able to afford to do.  And just the same, neither have we been able to afford NOT to do.  They are the foundation of our connectedness - TIME - we calendar it. . .no matter what. . .NO MATTER WHAT!!!

I recently discovered an old personal blog that I thought I would share. . .

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