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Thank goodness God quickly did a lot more than just “call” me to start a church with my family during those early days of Cool River.  Though remembering that “call” is most definitely the foundation of what keeps me moving forward when times get tough, there has been more “God movement” in my heart. As we continue on this journey, God just keeps on solidifying His desire for us to remain, even when times get really tough and messy.  So here’s another reason I can’t “throw in the towel.”

About 8 years ago, as Kevin and I were nearing the end of our search for “the place” to plant, we found ourselves one weekend in Colorado driving down a particular street - the street that is now only blocks away from our home.  We had already driven down lots and lots of streets and through many similar neighborhoods.  We had searched all the way from South Florida to Kentucky/Tennessee and now to Colorado.  And though many places were intriguing enough to gain our second glance, not one had truly captured us - not until Superior, Colorado.

This particular street was tree lined and beautiful, yet immediately everything about this community seemed impossible for us.  The cost of living was outrageous.  We were so very far away from the home we knew so well.  But despite all the things that appeared as roadblocks in our own mind, our hearts were beating undeniably fast.  And we knew that something “Godly” was happening - this was “the place.”  Long story short, a family on bikes with their golden retrievers following close behind caught our eyes.  We looked around and there was not one single church of any faith or denomination in the entire community.  Who was watching out for these families?  Who was sharing Christ with those kids?  And that’s when it happened. . .at that very moment God said, “these are your people.”

And at that moment I didn’t really get it.  Everything was moving so fast. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I revisited that moment and understood what was happening.  It wasn’t until very recently that I have been able to slow down enough to savor the awesomeness that God really did almost recreate my heart at that moment so …

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About a month ago God started challenging me with this idea of “God Speed,”. . .and it’s blowing my mind!  I’m an American for goodness sake!  Isn’t life about the 60 hour work week, cram your fun into 2 weeks of vacation/year, no siestas, no holidays, a kid involved in every activity known to man, go, go, go faster?  And aren’t we supposed to feel guilty when our body needs a nap and we just can’t keep up with the pace?  Unfortunately it’s the world we have created for ourselves.  This is the world I live in.  To bail would be to completely segregate myself from the world around me that I am trying to engage for the Kingdom.  But to remain. . .could it possibly mean a “lesser” Amy than God intended?  Could it possibly be that faster really doesn’t win the race?

So God has been challenging me. . .what does it really mean to start boldly moving at His speed?  When was the last time you sat still (and I don’t mean sitting still while entranced with this amazing blog ) When was the last time you pulled off the side of the freeway just to sit and watch the sun set with your kids? - That kind of still. . .

Last Friday my agenda was interrupted by God.  I had an entire day all to myself and I was actually psyched to tackle my 2 page list of things to do.  Like so many mornings, I sat down with my iPod, journal and Bible to get my dose of God to carry me through the day.  I admit I was in a hurry to move on.  And what did God do?  He dared to say, “Amy, will you move at my speed today?”  “NO! Not today, please not today!!”  But I knew the answer must be, “yes.”  Long story made short, he asked me to hand write (who does that any more??) an 8 page letter to some important people in my life.  And at 11:45 - 3 hours later - I walked away to finally conquer my day.  And that is when I finally “got it.”  I always seem to think that the days are MINE.  I can’t describe to you the feelings I experienced after those hours.  I …

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Confessions of a Church Planting Wife (Part 4)

I’m just wondering today if any of you are like me?  Does it ever feel as if your husband is the one who has all the fun? 

As church planting wives we wear so many hats.  We are mom and wife and counselor and chef and family planner and housekeeper and the sounding board for all kinds of church stuff and encourager of our husband and. . .the list goes on and on. . . Most days I am more than thrilled with my role.  But I must admit that there are some days that I find myself getting so envious inside.  Those days would more than likely looks something like this. . .

Two of the three girls wake up on the wrong side of the bed, fussing and fighting before I even get the chance to say “good morning.”  The dog is going crazy, needing to go for a walk.  The waffles burn in the toaster.  The computer connection is down.  The car needs to be in the shop by 9am.  No one can find their shoes.  And then the phone rings. . . it’s Kevin just checking in with his typical bubbly voice to say “good morning.”  He tells me how he just had a great early morning conversation with this guy he has been mentoring.  He tells me how God is doing great things in the life of his friend and how deep and energizing their conversation had been.  They started their day in a quiet restaurant that specializes in my favorite breakfast dishes.  And being there made him think of me.  So he just wanted to call and say, “hello.”

“Yea, yea, yea. . .hello,” I’m thinking.  And with every last bit of energy I have, I try to sound so happy for him.  But inside his news was just like a punch in the gut.  You know the feeling.  What about me????? 
Kevin dancing with the Hmong ladies in Vietnam last week
When my kids were younger I struggled with these feelings a lot.  My husband was the one that seemed to be having all the fun - having coffee, playing golf, traveling, going to game nights and community affairs all for the sake of the Kingdom - and I was the one left …

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Confessions of a Church Planting Wife (Part 3)

There was a time not too long ago when I wouldn’t even read Proverbs 31 because that woman always made me feel terrible about myself.  I do understand that even she is not perfect.  I mean her beauty is fleeting, right?  She obviously failed to discover the Susan Lucci beauty regimen in all of her working and planning.  But I would read of her days and match them up to my own, only to discover that I really only exhibited one of her qualities really well. . .“She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.”  Because you see, if nothing else, I am the queen of carryout and delivery.  No one brings food from afar better than me!!  Whether it is Qdoba, Noodles and Company, Panera or Chili’s, if all I have to do is swipe a card and the food magically appears, I’m in! 

But one day I did sit down seeking to read about this super woman with new eyes and ears.  Did she really have it all together?  No way.  She couldn’t have.

And though I am no theologian, this is what God spoke to my frustrated heart at that very moment. . .he just said, “Amy, all of those qualities - they are possible.  They weren’t written to become a hindrance to you due to frustration at not being able to live up to the model.  You are right. There is absolutely no way you can be this woman on your own efforts.  If so, everyone would be a superwoman!  But if you will just look a little closer, you will find the key to unlocking your potential.”  And what happened then?  Just like God always supernaturally does. . .he took my eyes and landed them on 8 little words.  “She gets up while it is still dark (v. 15).” 

And if you think I immediately jumped for joy at this discovery you will be sadly disappointed.  Instead, it made me mad!  We’ve already talked before about everything the church planting wife does.  You’ve got to be kidding me!  Now I have to give up my sleep, too????

But a long story made short, I decided to take him at his word and give it a try.  For about 2 weeks, I admit …

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Confessions of a Church Planting Wife (Part 1)

Here we go.  It’s time to be really honest. . .Church planting was NEVER my plan. 

My parents are of the generation where you move through the stages of higher education, Master’s degree’s, consistent and stable paychecks with regular raises and 401K’s in anticipation of retirement at 60. . .the American Dream, the good life.  This is what I learned growing up.  And THIS was my plan.  It’s served my parents well and I liked it a lot.  But somehow I made it past the Master’s degree step and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, “the plan” got turned upside down.  I didn’t see it coming.  Enter church planting. . .

Do you want to know one of the most unsettling things you can tell a woman who values stability?  Tell her that you think God is calling you to take her and your newborn baby 1200 miles away from family to start a church with no team and most of all, NO MONEY, in the most spiritually dry place in the nation.  Now that’s freaky!  I thank God every single day that he allowed me to feel the call as strongly as Kevin or I probably wouldn’t be here writing this today.

When we started this adventure I had no idea what I was doing.  I know now this was a blessing in disguise.  I’m so thankful for the level of niavety and “foolishness” I had back then that allowed me to so unreservedly jump out into God’s will.  I knew we were taking a leap of faith, but I’m ashamed to admit had I known how giant that leap was about to be, I may have quickly run for cover.  And I don’t say these things to scare you.  I say these things to simply let you know this. . .church planting has been exhilarating and exhausting, freeing and terrifying, the best thing I’ve ever done and still one of the scariest.  Every single step is so worth it.  I’ve gotten used to it all - the crazy hours, the hard work, the ups and downs.  But I still can’t get used to the finances.  They still freak me out!!

But as I sit here freaked out even this morning, somehow I breath peacefully in the freakiness.  Six years into …

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I got married one month after graduating from college.  I was this young, country girl from Kentucky.  I wasn’t sheltered, but my bubble was very small.  And I didn’t know to dream bigger.  I was content and happy and in love.  Kevin and I married and immediately we left KY for seminary where we both planned to complete our Master’s, only to return to the good ol’ South and do youth ministry for the rest of our lives. That was the dream.  And to us, it was HUGE.

Enter Bob Roberts. . .for those of you who know Bob, you can attest to the fact that your outlook on life can never be the same after only a few brief encounters with him.  He is wild and risky and his dreams and vision are infectious.  And after 4 years of close contact with Bob at Northwood, we were doomed. . .doomed to dream bigger and open our eyes wider and explore the world around us and do crazy things for God. 

  (Eldorado Canyon State Park, Boulder, CO)

NorthWood is where church planting entered into our lives and seeped into our DNA.  This is where Vietnam became our passion.  This is where we grew up, where we found ourselves, where we drove the stake in the ground and said that we were going for it. . .whatever “it” might be.  This was the story of our 20’s.

I will never forget Bob talking about how for most people in your 20’s you find yourself and start dreaming dreams, in your 30’s you begin to achieve your dreams, in your 40’s you start seeing the results of your hard work and in your 50’s you then become a true person of influence in your area of expertise.  I hope I paraphrased that well enough, Bob.  

I remember watching Bob and Niki and wishing that my life would hurry up so that I could finally get where they were in their journey (early 40’s).  Life seemed so much more full and exciting.  But today I sit here 33, blown away at the journey thus far, so thankful that I haven’t missed a single day of the adventure.  And I see it all starting to unfold – the story that God is writing for …

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You may remember this news story from the Olympics a few weeks ago. . .it made me laugh.  Why?  Because I can relate. . .

You can relate to it, too, can’t you?  At some point or another like me, you have been totally mistaken for someone else. . .the perfect mother with the perfect children, the quiet and unassuming wife, the one who has it all together, the one during Bible study who has all the answers about God and life, the one who never messes up. . .  Instead of ‘I am not Michael Phelps,’ you find yourself screaming, ‘I am not the perfect little pastor’s wife that you expect me to be!’ 
Mistaken Identity. . .

Living a transparent and authentic life in front of others is my challenge for you today. 

Of course, we need to strive to be our best in all things that God has gifted us.  I desire to be an amazing mom and wife.  I want to do a better job at keeping my mouth shut and allowing my husband to lead.  I want to know God in such a way that others look to me for Godly counsel and wisdom.  I want to have it all together with the outward appearance of a woman who has spent 12 hour/week in the gym and another 4 at the spa.  I want the inward peace, gentleness and servants heart of Mother Teresa and the knowledge and words of Beth Moore, but none of those things are necessarily who I am a lot of days.

I’m messed up and frazzled and selfish and just plain old tired sometimes. My house is a disaster and my kids often need a huge lesson in respect.  But I know that God created me and willed me to lead this life - not as a frazzled person, but a person on the road to transformation.  I don’t have it all together.  Neither do you.  But my strongest heart’s desire is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue to press into God’s call on my life. . .discovering who God uniquely created me to be and doing my best to allow him to keep transforming me. . .seeking my true identity in Christ and not the identity that …

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Let me jump up on my soapbox and scream to the world this morning. . .I am not a church PLANTER’S wife!  Now don’t freak out on my just yet. . . it’s just that what I prefer to be thought of is a church PLANTING wife. You know what I mean. . .I am not just the wife of the church planter like someone is the wife of a banker. O no, no. . .I am the wingman, and so are you. Ladies, this journey is ours just as much as it is our husbands’. We are called just as he is called to begin a church. To say I am a church planter’s wife almost seems as if my role is less than that of my husband. It is not. . .not when you are starting a church from scratch. Ladies, you hear me don’t you?  We are a HUGE part of the journey. 

Not long ago NAMB asked me to write in a book for CPwives and this was my response.  Let me know what you think. . .

I do not pastor the church. I watch the back of the one who does.

I do not make the decisions. I pray for the wisdom of the ones who do.

I do not play the piano or run the nursery. I keep my hands free so I can help out wherever I might be needed on a Sunday morning. And I do serve in the areas where I am truly passionate.

I do not come to church with the most beautiful Sunday attire. I come to church often in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops. No doubt I will be on my hands and knees either loving on a snotty, crying child or sweeping up donut crumbs and spilled coffee from the school cafeteria floor.

I do not get jealous when other women need my husband’s counsel. But, I do keep a very close tab on every situation. I talk with my husband about boundaries and guidelines that will help to protect our marriage and he allows me to check up on him and ask him tough questions

I do date my husband every single week. I do not let conversation turn towards church affairs during our …

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