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I know that a lot of people read this blog who are not necessarily church planters or a church planting wife.  Today’s entry is just for you!  Everybody can join in!

Lately I have been addicted to watching The Bachelor.  I don’t know what it is about that show that draws me in every single time, but all of a sudden it’s as if I know this guy, Jason, and I’m somehow invested in his future - his kid, his love life, his potential future marriage.  And I can so easily sum up the character flaws of each girl he has to choose from.  I cheer when he sends the girl home.  I yell at the TV when I think he makes a bonehead choice like sending Stephanie from Alabama home last week.  I sit on the couch and critique every situation that ABC chooses to allow us to view.  And I care. . .it’s reality tv for crying out loud. . .and for some reason, I care!

Why do we care so much about other people’s love life?  How is it that The Bachelor can become a person we have never met, yet want the best for?  I think it’s because everyone dreams of the perfect love story.  We all want it to happen to us.  And just like Cinderella or Snow White, we want the mice to dance and the birds to sing and to be standing in the middle of a beautiful scene kissing our prince or princess when the curtains close or “The End” appears on the screen.

But the true REALITY is that marriage is really hard work.  When Jason chooses his potential wife in a few weeks, they will kiss and the show will come to an end, but the truth is that their reality will only then be beginning.  The reality of marriage is that some days birds sing and the sun shines brightly and some days you have to work harder than you ever even realized you could.  It’s tough to keep a marriage healthy. . .but it’s o, so worth it. 

So today I’m wondering. . .if you could say, “This is the one thing that has kept our marriage healthy more than anything else”. . . what would it be?  
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Check this out!!!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7811296.stm

Now isn’t that a lovely opening shot!!!  Thanks Vimeo!

boundaries from amy colon on Vimeo.

*Side hugs - no “straight on” hugs (hey, that’s practical, right?)

*No riding in a car alone with the opposite sex. (Any time a lady calls and needs a ride or something of this manner, Kevin comes home to keep the kids and I go and give the ride - or vise versa)

*Limited “one on one” meetings with ladies IN PUBLIC. If needed, she will be directed to me, another female in the church or a counselor OR she can start meeting with both myself and my husband together if she chooses. (Of course, this guideline is the way it is because we don’t have a church office.  Most meetings are at the local coffee shop.)

*We have all of each other’s passwords for Facebook, Twitter, email - accountability - some people think this is a sign of lack of trust.  Not at all - it says to us that we trust each other enough to open up all of our life to each other.  (FYI - I don’t read any personal emails from people seeking counseling or sharing private stuff.  I just notice if there are a lot of messages from any particular person - does that make sense?)

*He has given me the freedom to share with him when I think another lady is becoming “too friendly.” Guys are so dumb to this sometimes (no offense), but we ladies can spot a trouble maker a mile away!   Seriously, I’m laughing, but you know it’s true.

*We share our entire schedule every day via Google calendar or actually talking to each other (imagine that!) and let each other know if something new comes up.  We do this not just for the sake of accountability, but also because we like discovering the opportunity to share an unexpected lunch together.

*We use Covenant Eyes (an online tracker of websites visited)

*We have friends and confidants who keep us accountable and ask tough questions.
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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church …

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. . .or beautiful, blond and alluring - to pretend that we are somehow exempt from these temptations simply because we are the “holy family” on the block is completely ridiculous, don’t you think?  And yet, it’s what we do sometimes. 

For some of us, it’s all about image.  We can’t go there because it would be inappropriate.  We are the counselors of the tempted.  We can’t possibly be one of them.  What would people think?

For others, we are embarrassed or scared.  We’ll just keep it to ourselves and pray the temptations just don’t get too strong. 

And even for others, we live in denial.  We know we make silly decisions and we see the eggshells that we are walking on each and every day and just hope and pray neither of us steps too hard. 

But for a lot of us, we just don’t take time to open the door to the conversation.  Life goes hard and fast and there are just so many things to do that the days pass.  We assume life and marriage is happy and pretty and cross our fingers that no one or nothing will hurt us.  We know that we SHOULD talk about it.  We even discuss that “shouldness” over and over with our spouse.  “Honey, we really should figure out some boundaries and start sticking to them.” “Honey, we really should come up with a plan about how to deal with her calling you for counsel all the time.”  “Honey, we really should have the carpet cleaned.”  You see!  It all just kinda runs together and just like the carpets, we do nothing until it gets completely nasty and embarrassing. 

Sometimes it takes a hard hit - unfortunately there are times that everything has to literally explode before we ever come to terms with the reality that we HAVE to have a plan within our marriage between us and the opposite sex.  We have to be proactive.  And just because we are the pastor’s family who’s job is to love and care for and counsel and carry so many others, we MUST protect our marriages first of all.  I’m vulnerable and you are, too.  Ladies, we are not exempt.  And we hear evidence of this fact over and over again as pastor’s families fall apart all the …

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If you missed my last blog entry, make sure you check it out.  It sets us up for what’s ahead in the next few weeks.  We are going to be chatting about protecting and nurturing our family and our marriages while right in the middle of planting a church.  As for today - I’m totally just playing around with my first ever attempt to video blog.  Hey, it’s a holiday. . .

The Love Dare from amy colon on Vimeo.

Did you notice it, too?  The very day after Christmas and the aisles were already filled with Valentine’s and chocolate hearts!  It’s amazing how the marketing world wants to move us so quickly from one holiday to the next -from one expression of celebration to another.  And you know, I think we have learned the pattern better than we realize.  Life seems to be all about getting to the next level and celebrating the next milestone.  Whether we are burning holes in the carpet as we take our babies hands, just trying to get them to take those first steps, or we are sitting up at night dreaming about the future of our families and our church with our hubby over a warm decaf. . .we always tend to look towards something yet to be attained.  At least I do.

My oldest daughter, Emma, went to bed the other night asking if the next day we could make Valentine’s for her friends.  The question caught me by surprise.  Quickly I found myself imaging a calendar in my mind and thinking my reply should be that we have a long time until Valentine’s Day.  But we don’t!  O my goodness, it’s less than a month away!  Emma is quit the planner and celebrator.  And I suppose it’s a good thing.  She always keeps me on my toes.

But just like planning for the next celebration of Valentine’s Day, we as church planting wives also live in a world of looking to the next milestone that is party worthy.  We dream about what church will look like when. . . .what life will be like when. . .how much better things will be when. . .how we can focus more on our marriage when. . .  And if I’m not careful,  I find myself thinking about the “when” so much that I fail to even notice the “today.”  Have you ever been there?

There are a lot of things that we don’t have control of when it comes to church planting - they’re in God’s hands where we much prefer them to be.  But one thing we CAN do today is be the keeper of our Marriage and Family.  One thing in the middle of all the uncertainties that we CAN celebrate is the very most important thing that God has physically gifted to …

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Since starting a group for church planting wives last summer on Facebook I have had the privilege of “meeting” so many extraordinary ladies.  Their stories have inspired me and encouraged me, saddened me and fired me up to continue this journey of connecting ladies who are in the middle of their own church planting adventures.  We have had some fantastic conversations and together shared common challenges and blessings.  But after looking back on many of those conversations, there is one big common thread that is very obvious.  We all long for someone who has our backs. . .a kindred spirit. . .a person with wisdom to share and time to give. . .a person who listens well and lets us vent without judging, yet graciously always point us back to Peace and Truth. 

Sure, we all have tough questions about things such as running the children’s ministry in the early days of church starting or how to balance family life and church life in the middle of all the chaos.  There’s lots of people who can help us with that.  But the bottom line seems to be that more than anything we just need someone. . .someone who is ours if only for a few brief moments on a Friday night phone call when everything seems to be falling apart.  Someone separated from our church or immediate circle of influences who can be objective.  Am I right ladies?

I mean, we typically already know all the answers to the panic or frustration that often hits.  It seems as if we don’t even really need someone with the perfect advice or insight. . .we just need a listening ear and a kind voice who isn’t interested in fixing the situation but instead empathizing and encouraging us to press on.

Those people are tough to come by.  I have only had one such friend in the journey.  In all honesty, we don’t talk very often at all.  But I know she is there.  I am confident that she is only a phone call away and will always make time for me when I need her.  And boy have there been moments when I needed her!  She is wise.  And her wisdom comes out not so much in her words but in what she chooses not to say.  Does that make sense?  And I admire …

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This is my friend, Brandi (left).  Years ago when I was in middle school and high school she was Brandi Wheeler, the bubbly, red headed cheerleader that you see here (top left).  Sorry, Brandi, I couldn’t resist.  Even way back then, I remember how she had this beautiful personality that just seemed to ooze out of her.  Fast forward a few years. . .after college at good ol’ Western Kentucky University we somehow found ourselves married to these two amazing men (Pete and Kevin - best friends).  And the craziest thing is that they both ended up becoming church planters.  How ironic, right?  Well, as the story goes, Pete and Brandi started a church in Morgantown, KY, and Kevin and I served alongside them for 2 terrific years.  Today, God has moved all of us on to our second church plants.  Brandi and Pete are in Nashville and Kevin and I in Superior, CO, just outside of Boulder.  Life now is done together via blogs, Facebook and Twitter.  So, some things definitely change, and yet other things always stay the same.

Brandi has a fantastic blog that again, oozes with her personality.  I have been meaning to tell you about it for quite some time.  After reading her entry today, I decided that I couldn’t wait any longer.  So, as the holidays have come to an end, I bet you are a bit like me - tired yet refreshed and ready to get back into the routine of life - busy, yet not ready to completely jump all in just yet.  Well, church planting wives, here is a story to bring some laughter and a bit of shock to your day.  Yes, Brandi’s story could probably be any one of ours. . .so glad it’s not mine!hehe It brings the red headed cheerleader image to a whole new level!  I LOVE how authentic Brandi is about her life and the life of her family.  And she always has a camera handy to capture the highlights. . .as you will see.  So, sit back and relax for just a few more minutes.  Check out Brandi’s post for the day.  Send her some love and …

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Do you believe in making them??
I personally think that whether people take the time to voice their new years resolutions, plans, hopes or dreams, we all think about them.  It’s refreshing to sit back and entertain our thoughts about the possibility of a fresh, new start.  There’s just something so energizing about getting rid of the old and moving forward.  That’s why I really love this time of year.

Last week I spent 2 days away as I try to do at least once or twice/year.  I book a hotel room in a snazzy hotel and just sit back and relax and think, plan, journal and take naps.  This year in particular I was reading through my journal from 2008, and do you know what I noticed?  I noticed an Amy who was really putting a lot of effort into life - pushing hard, moving fast and always longing for something.  And to an extent, I think this was good.  I have always heard people say that you can measure some amount of success if you can look back over the past year and see that you are further down the road in a positive direction than you were the year before.  This I can attest to for my 2008.  God has taught me some very important lessons and moved me forward.  But I also noticed an Amy who was really stressed out.  She was fussing a lot about life and kids and pleading with God to rescue her when things started to be too much to juggle.

And in the middle of it all, I found myself asking the question, “what was the #1 thing I learned in 2008?”  Though there were many, I landed on this simple, yet profound thought. . .  “God has gifted me with the ability to do many things well, but He has created me to only do a few of those things NOW.”  I have taken a 2 year journey of finally discovering this simple fact.  God has made me a great multi-tasker.  I have taken pride in that for too long and I have had my hands in many things.  It seems to many as if I can “do it all.”  But I can’t.  Not well. I see it all to clearly today as I sit here and write.  And so for …

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Three more days!  It’s almost here.

I caught my kids under the tree early in the morning one day last week.  They were shaking each gift and counting how many they could find with their names.  Their joy and anticipation is infectious.  Even today I have found myself sitting in front of the fireplace full of warm fuzzies as I imagine the upcoming activities of this week.  I’m all about listening to the carols and watching White Christmas and Holiday Inn and all of those feel good holiday movies.  I’m the one who can’t sleep on Christmas Eve, waiting for the hours to pass until the sound of 3 little girls feet come running down the steps to see what Santa has delivered.  I love the candlelight of a Christmas Eve service and putting my arms around my family as the Christmas Story is read.  And in the past few years I have learned to enjoy the pureness of community as friends, who like us, have no where to go on Christmas Eve, gather and celebrate Christ’s birth as family in my living room or at the home of someone else from our church.  It’s the time of year when everyone seems to come together.

This morning I was reading USA Today and an article caught my eye.  It was entitled, “Can faith help heal our divide?”  It was an article about our country and the mess that our world finds itself in these days.  And the bottom line of the story was the idea that local pastors (of every faith) might be called upon to do some of the “heavy lifting” to restore our nation.  It was about the whole idea that our nation needs to experience community again and that clergy might be the best people to influence that trend again in our self-centered world.  It was a good article - a bit weak, but all the same, impressive insight for USA Today.

I bet you have already experienced this community that is starting to evolve.  Isn’t it interesting that when all else fails and we come to the end of our own ropes, it’s then that people turn to God?  Neighbors and friends and loved ones need us today quite possibly more than we have ever experienced in our ministries.  They come to us for hope and for a listening …

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