GlocalNet

Yesterday Nikki and I got home from Vietnam (and me for a jaunt to Australia).  She led our education team there that taught at the University.  This summer she’s done a lot of stuff - traveling across the country and the world - from Romania to Vietnam to teach anything from special education to health and hygiene.  In these pictures one is the airport with us leaving a couple of weeks ago.  The other two, we are eating supper with Ti’s parents in Hanoi (the Vietnamese boy we’ve adopted as our own), the other is a new exchange student that will be coming to live with a NorthWood family in a week or so.  We were trying to get him ready for Texas life!  Nikki’s been at the heart of all of this, in our family, at NorthWood, outside of NorthWood.  I’m asked a lot how did I get so lucky and what makes an exceptional pastor’s wife, leader’s wife, etc.  Here are some answers . . . . .  .

1.  They love God.  You can’t force that.  They have to love him, even more than you.  You see that not in just what they say, but how they live and what exudes from the m.

2.  They practice personal worship.  I’d like to think I had something to do with that, BUT, I know that that comes from her.  Generally speaking, the light is on in her study at 5am with her reading her Bible and praying.

3.  You have to be honest with each other.  Nikki and I for all our faults have always been able to do that.  Whether she was challenging me or I was challenging her.  We fight sometimes!  There I said it - it’s true of most people.  It’s OK - as long as it’s not demeaning or destructive.  You have to be able to say what you think - go back and forth - process things. 

4.  You have to force to keep them out of your shadow.  Many men who lead have long shadows - that’s just the way it is.  BUT, help your wife find places she can bloom without you.  It keeps her own sense of self-worth and contribution high.  Sadly, some husbands want their wives under their thumbs and under their shadow.  You bet, your wife should be supportive and involved in your ministry - BUT YOU SHOULD ALSO BE SUPPORTIVE AND INVOLVED IN HER MINISTRY!  God has given you a call together and separate. 

5. They keep learning and growing as people.  You can’t force this one - but you can expose them to what you’re learning - and also be interested in what they’re learning and ho w to encourage them to continue growing.  In some ways Nikki’s the same person I married in 1980 - in other ways - a completely different person.  I love her for who she is and who she has become.  She’s a class act.

6.  They know how to play.  OK, if you know Nikki and I - you know I’m the guy who’s the nut who’s always getting into trouble doing off the wall stuff - but so is she!!!!!!  She’s just a lot more sneaky and quiet about it.  If you love being around one another - and having fun together - that goes a long way towards a happy marriage and a long marriage.  I used to wonder how people could get old and it still be fun - it still is! 

I couldn’t imagine my life without Nikki - but in the early days - we both imagined our lives a whole lot without each other!!!!!  We still get upset with each other at times - but the good news is, if you love each other - hang in there - you’ll make it and have something very few people sadly have today in their 40’s and above - a happy fulfilled marriage and an exceptional leader’s wife.