What does a masculine church look like?
Right now we’re doing a series entitled “ManUp” in our morning worship services. The response has been very good. Today, according to Olson, only about 17% of Americans attend church. According to countless others, one of the key reasons for that is that the church is not seen as a place for men. Manhood and Christianity are seen by many men as incongruent—something for little kids and women. That’s tragic. It’s for all of us.
Think of what it means to follow Christ. We are following someone who was crucified for what they believed. We’ve been told to master ourselves. We’ve been told to spread the Gospel around the world. We’ve been told to help every person in need. We’ve been told it will cost many of us our lives. What’s sissy about that?
I got an email from one of our members Karen Baker, she asks the question, “to make the church more masculine and thereby appealing to men, what would that look like?”
Just having men in leadership roles doesn’t guarantee that at all. What do you say? Give us your ideas . . . this could get real fun!
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Apr 4, 2008 at 01:14 PM
bob,
at mosaic of arlington we create spaces where men can be themselves and not have to try to 'mask' who they are really are. when i speak i am very passionate about how to be a man AND be a follower of Christ. i sometimes purposefully say things that might offend our women, but will capture the attention of their spouses/boy friends. (by the way we have learned that if women offended will stay around but men who aren't challenged will leave). we also have music that rocks (since most men don't want to sing sweet love songs to Jesus). we also have very practical ways where they can lead (facilitating groups, building stuff with their hands, tearing down things, moving things). we have a handful of sports teams that play at a healthy level of competition. and we play poker (alot of it)...for money (most of the times). finally when you come into our spaces for our gatherings we try to have art, decor, food, drinks, banners, etc.. that appeal to men.
not sure we are doing it all right but currently our church is made up of almost 60% of men. our key leadership team is 80% men. and being a good southern baptist church of course our pastor is a man (but since I bought a poodle some are questioning that last statement...hahaha).
good post!
Apr 4, 2008 at 01:29 PM
Stephen - FANTASTIC - but shoot the poodle!
Apr 4, 2008 at 10:45 PM
This is arguably our biggest need in Swaziland (as probably in most of Africa) - if we can really reach the men and present Christ as an answer to them, I believe that Africa will change. But most churches have 90% (or more)women and children and church is seen as a feminine thing - for those who are not strong enough to care for themselves. Great topic!
Apr 5, 2008 at 07:30 AM
Great topic --- I too make sure our worship space doesn't look feminine, and most of my message illustrations are geared toward a guy's perspective - which is natural for me since I grew up with all brothers no sisters, and have only sons, no daughters. Our elected leadership is mostly male, though our ministry leadership (sm. groups, etc.) is about 50/50 -- which I find healthy.
The trick is, I don't want to simply reinforce the cultural stereotypes of the day. The topic brings up the question - what does it mean to be a redeemed man? I sure don't think it means to be like a female, but neither does it just mean to be like the latest action movie hero. It means to be like Jesus. (which is also the goal for redeemed women!)
Apr 5, 2008 at 07:47 AM
There is a church in Phoenix called CCV. I’m not sure what they believe. I never even attended their services, but I did attend their property. One day I was running by the church building, and I had to use the restroom. I could either find the closest tree on the property (what a real man would do) or break in and use the restroom. I did the latter. (Ok, a door was left open). I wandered around, and I loved what I saw. They had dark wood walls, leather chairs, and plasma screen TV’s. If I had a cigar, I would have smoked it right then and there. I’m not a smoker, but I think you get what I’m saying …if you are a real man. I think on the surface, a church should provide an environment that is attractive to a man. No pastel colors, fake flowers, and doilies in the men’s bathrooms. On a deeper level, I think the gospel should be preached …the full gospel of Christ. We have pacified the gospel with our desire to entertain rather than radically call men to action. We need to sing fewer songs about how we feel about Jesus, and more songs about taking up our cross and following Him. Men also don’t need their ears tickled by a chat on Sunday. We need a call to action. I am encouraged that more and more churches are turning from the passive message of the world, and preaching the Word on Sunday. Sunday is huddle so that we can hear from our Quarterback, and then we go out and boldly execute the play throughout the week.
Apr 5, 2008 at 09:31 AM
Women birth men into this world with labor pains. May we birth more men into the spiritual kingdom with our knees before God. May we be such women of Proverbs, and Titus, chapter two that men want to be our spiritual leaders and fill the churches.
Apr 5, 2008 at 04:36 PM
You are striking at the very heart of me with this topic. It is in fact the very heart and core of the birthing of our home church ministries some 10 years ago and has grown into a rather healthy but young church. Several years ago I had the privilige of participating in a conference with Focus on the Family as they were launching their Heritage Builders ministry. My husband and I would lead couples in learning more about who they were as individuals, couples and a family unit to help them grow as a family.
While there, I had what I can only describe as a "God Moment". This is what I learned in that moment, I learned to love my parents as children of God more than parents. This is significant because our filter of the world and how it operates is filtered through what we learn as children. Through the constant revealing of God in our lives He slowly removes layers of film that have accumulated sometimes slowly and other times quickly.
By changing the view of my earthly father, my veiw of him changed in my life and so did the placement of God in my life. When this happens, all the mistakes poor teachings, good teachings, generational sins, pain, suffering, etc. in the vision of a child is completely changed. The "earthly" father simply becomes another suffering soul simply trying to make their way in the world as best as they can. Healing as well as forgiveness and personal transformation begins to change radically and rapidly.
Now that there is some context, lets look at what is now in view. We live in a world where the father has been under extreme attack. Let's not water it down. It is a very real attack by the evil one. It has resulted in divorices, seperation, isolation, suicide, murder everything feeds off of this one issue.
If you don't have a healthy relationship with your father, how do you know how have a healthy relationship with the Father? If you never received that relationship how do you give it to your children or model it for that matter?
Lets face the facts...painful as they may be. For the majority of society, (there are always a few jewels in the rubble) women have taken on the role of seeing to the spiritual maturity of our children. Men often time abandon this vital leadership role to others. Just take a look around the congregation, you don't need any deep research to see this. Men in most cases have bought into the lie that they don't really have any real impact to add to the lives of their children except in a few areas like discipline being the provider. Is that really the model God gave in the garden or through Jesus for that matter?
Did you know that there are studies that show that a mother can sit with a child and teach them but when the father sits with them and teaches the same thing there is more content taken in by the child? We have become a mentorless society. Our men don't know how to lead their families without fear of retribution not only by their peers but by their own family.
I think it is rather ironic that men will often feel that there is no role for themselves in the church. They need to see the mission and impact they can have by just making different choices. The respect they can command in the lives of their wives if they stand upon the Word in LOVE not might. Love can move mountains. Women (and pretty much anyone) respects and admires a leader who leads through character rather than power. Leading through power breaks down trust and respect denying ourselves of the one thing we are really seeking the most in those around us. Humility and love are the most powerful character traits.
Mentor each other. Mentor other boys. Mentor other fathers. Mentor other couples. Mentor friends. Mentor your children. Mentor your grandchildren (it is never too late to change the cycle).
Mentor someone. Make sure your primary mentor is Christ and spend time with Him often. (Jesus wasn't a wuss. He was swinging a lot of swords around with his demeanor and wisdom. Don't wait for someone to lead you to a solution for problems. Don't wait for the church to do something for you. Be men and women (for that matter) and find the solution, "if you seek, you will find". Don't be afraid...do not fear being vunerable, sharing pains, regrets, failures....it is through these things we grow, become strong, find freedom and change lives. The strongest leaders lead through their weaknesses.
Bringing huge transformation in lives have never come from programs, sermons (you get the point). It comes from being willing to get into the pit with someone and helping them carry their burdens until they become strong enough to carry it themselves. Step away from the TV....Step away for the computer, step away from the podium.....lets get dirty and MODEL. That is the beginning of true mentorship. How and who did Jesus pick for disciples? It wasn't the typicial style for a rabbi.
(could go on but that is enough...favorite subject)
Apr 6, 2008 at 11:31 AM
Churches lost their men when they lost their mission. 1) it engages their minds. Abstract (school) learning makes no sense to men unless there is a practical goal for it. 2) it engages their will. Without a mission the Christian virtues become distorted, you have humility without courage, safety without sacrifice. Without the mission the goal of the Christan life is passive flight from the world not action to save the world. 3) it engages their hearts. Men only have emotions on the battlefield. Men cry, cheer and slap rumps on the football field. The psalms are David getting emotional in the battle.
Apr 6, 2008 at 02:34 PM
Ecclesia... "Called together"... Most of the responses above seem to refer to church as "called together"... But what about "called out for a purpose"? Men are perhaps emasculated by the church in the same ways that boys are emasculated by traditional education models: sit and learn.
When ecclesia is "called out for a purpose," and men are being put into action, they will flock to the church. However, the "church" they flock to may look like an empty crack lot being turned into a park. It may look like a widow's house being reroofed.
And if the leadership team is NOT asking, "Yeah, but how do we get them into the building from there?"
What if we stop asking that question?
What if they leave the crack lot with a burning question about how Jesus can be made relevant there, and a burning hole in their own hearts about their own inadequacy, and find themselves pushed into prayer and dependence like they never do in a sermon.
Would that be enough for us? Can they mature as Christians without ever spending time in our auditoriums and singing of his love forever?
Apr 6, 2008 at 03:12 PM
"And if the leadership team is NOT asking, “Yeah, but how do we get them into the building from there? ”
What if we stop asking that question?"
YES!!! That's it exactly!!!
A man's church isn't anywhere near a building!
Apr 7, 2008 at 12:42 AM
Th last three responses may be true in a Western culture but is not necessarily true in an African culture where, to be a Christian, has definite implication for one'e beliefs in cultural practices. We're not speaking about church attendance only. We're also speaking about a new life in Christ which means having to break with certain things of the past - and for most men the price seems to be too hign to pay.
Apr 7, 2008 at 06:30 AM
Matt, you'd fit in good at NorthWood - though we have a building - we left the building long ago. One thing I know for sure, church will never be invented with or without buildings, by new models - for all the talk of innovation most still focus on where they meet and what they do when they meet - there is so so so so much more than that. Then you start talking about that - and people get blank stares on their faces! Then you hear something like, "but shouldn't we . . . . " the answer is the disciple - no, but will I . . . . . and generally that's far more than a Bible study and attending worship -
Apr 8, 2008 at 02:33 AM
One thing not mentioned is we are called to love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength. This along with preaching the gospel and loving others is what the early church did and it seemed to grow pretty well without worrying about how to make the church more masculine. Maybe teach the word, preach the gospel, and praise Christ for what he did for us. Do this and the church will grow in numbers, both male and female, just as it did in those early Jerusalem days. Instead of trying to figure out how to make the church appeal to men, we should try to figure out how to make it appeal to God. Afterall, isn’t the chuch for Him and not for us?
Apr 8, 2008 at 08:20 AM
I appreciate this sermon series and how it brings into light the comparison to be the earthly men we are, and the Godly men we are called to be. We all have that manly interest that calls us to be the arm chair quarter back, ride Harleys, be a part of NASCAR nation, relaxing in a big leather chair with a nice stogey (thanks Brian), what have you. And not that this is bad stuff........ hey, I am Cowboys fan!
We seek that manly pursuit that bolsters our pride, image, and self worth. Unfortunatley, it's when we let these things bolster us to such great stock in that pride and image, and let it set us apart, and lets individuality and the ability to stand on our own be the thing that is seen, yet can't be let go of. In my humble opinoion, it's getting a level of pride to such a place that can prevent us from serving; attending church; realizing that there is a higher authority in charge of our lives, that asks that we seek His calling.
The greatest things I discovered in strengthening and growing my walk with Christ these last several years are: rediscovering myself and my worth; how to become a better husband; how to be a better dad; to know what it is to repent and seek forgiveness in those times I fall short, and what it is to serve not my own pride, but the needs of others - my wife, my kids, my community. I found the above by learning to do this one thing - getting on my face and humbling myself before God. And this isn't something you do just once. There is nothing greater than what He calls us to do.
Thanks for the series Bob!
Apr 9, 2008 at 10:18 AM
[...] Catering for men in Africa Bob Roberts recently asked a question on his blog: What does a masculine church look like? He was asking this question because it seems that churches are not really focussed on men, and, as he correctly says: “Just having men in leadership roles doesn’t guarantee that at all. ” Up to now there has been 14 comments on this post (two from myself). In my first response I wrote: “This is arguably our biggest need in Swaziland (as probably in most of Africa) - if we can really reach the men and present Christ as an answer to them, I believe that Africa will change. But most churches have 90% (or more) women and children and church is seen as a feminine thing - for those who are not strong enough to care for themselves. ” In the rest of the comments nothing was said about this problem in Africa. If Africa is seen (as many do believe) as the place where the new revival is going to start and from where the world will be reached, then this problem will have to be acknowledged and addressed. After some further comments on the topic, I wrote the following: “The last three responses may be true in a Western culture but is not necessarily true in an African culture where, to be a Christian, has definite implication for one’s beliefs in cultural practices. We’re not speaking about church attendance only. We’re also speaking about a new life in Christ which means having to break with certain things of the past - and for most men the price seems to be too high to pay. ” Once again: No response. In the Western world people are struggling to find ways to make church more attractive for men through the way of worship, the type of messages brought to them, the people (eg sports heroes) used in the church. In Africa the problem is hugely different. How do you convince men that they will be better off if they leave their old life and start a new life in obedience to Christ? As far as I know this is a universal problem all over Africa. Where men come to true repentance, the family often follows them. But if men are not willing to dedicate their lives fully to God, the church in Africa will remain something for women and children. [...]-----
Apr 10, 2008 at 07:34 AM
Arnau - I agree with you - the problem with many here is that they see these issues as nuances of our "era" instead of potential global responses. It's time for the church in the West to wake up - for good and bad - the church globally is about to define us - if not already.
Apr 10, 2008 at 10:05 PM
There's nothing like Spirit lead courageous obedience it separates the men from the want2bees
Jesus is looking for a few good men.
Apr 29, 2008 at 01:06 AM
i have really enjoyed all the comments. At age 55 i have finally realized what a real man of God should look like! For the past 25 years i have been posing and doing all the things that the world thinks makes a man a man. I attend a church in Ga. Community Bible Church where i have been challanged to become a man like God wants us to be. Over the past two years i have grown so much and now want to help other men understand this . I took a trip to Nic. where i really dealt with these issues because it is so beautiful there and you can get away from all the distractions here. It meant so much to me and helped me appericate my church here that i am setting up trips there so other men and their sons can go there and exsperience God and being the man He wants us to be. We as men and churchs have for the most part missed the boat on this subject and im so glad you have opened this up for discussion Thanks TJ
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