GlocalNet

I don’t see “missions” and my “family” as two separate entities.  We have lived it together as a family.  Together we have loved and served the poor, together we have engaged the society, together we have worked around the world - it is part of the ethos of our family.  In a couple of days I head to Kenya to meet with pastors.  My wife heads to Romania to teach health and sanitation in public schools.  My daughter heads to Waco to work at Mission Waco for the summer.  My son and daughter-in-law are taking vacations!  But, they do lots of stuff.  My greatest memories of being a dad come from trips or projects that we did together as a family.  I can remember seeing my children and Nikki broken hearted over things we would see.  Even in my own life, one of my greatest memories of my mother was feeding a hobo who knocked on our door for food.  She didn’t bring him in, not knowing anything about him.  But she set up a table on our porch, fixed a nice table cloth, set it as if an important guest were present, and fed him a hot meal. 

Each person in the family has to find their passion, and they have to be affirmed and encouraged.  We do projects together - but also separate.  I know Alan Hirsch’s wife has a whole ministry to homosexuals.  While Alan brilliantly writes on church systems and processes, Deb is living it out.  I think that’s very healthy - each person has a passion from God. 

It doesn’t just happen by talking about it - but by living it out in front of the family doing it together.  There is no doubt about it - it’s very difficult to lead a church and even more difficult for the wife of a church planter and/or pastor.  The criticism, the unexpected interruptions in life, the lack of funds - all of it.  If you’re not called you won’t make it.  Both of you have to be called. 

So guys - give her space, help with the kids so she can get a break, she needs to be the hero outside the church, encourage her interests and call.  Do things together, but separate.  Publicly affirm her from the pulpit (even if she gets mad) it’s not just about her but a churches understanding about how they are to respect the spouse and the other staff as well.

I want to say something about “preacher’s kids” - I am one and I’ve had some.  They are what you make them. 
If you “poor baby” them because they live in a glass house you do a disservice to them and make them feel like victims. 
If you “do right you’re the preacher’s kid” you substitute hypocrisy for genuine righteousness. 
If you come home and “whine” around them, they’ll hate the church.
If you don’t “live it at home” they’ll scoff about the idea of God - because you are preaching and living about the noblest truth that’s ever existed.
If you don’t make time for them they won’t have time for you one day, because you neglected your greatest ministry - your kids.
NO ONE has a greater opportunity to raise truly “missional” kids than a pastor if they’ll only see it. 

A couple of days ago I had a man and his wife come to visit me who have just moved to the area.  They’re involved in some ministry that’s really good.  They gave several words of prophecy over one - one in particular, “You will see your children established and flourish.” That brought great great joy to my heart.  I came home and wrote it in my journal.  BUT, all of you can - if I had ever bought the lie, that parenting is hit and miss, do your best and hope for the best - I don’t think our family would be what it is.  It’s hard to be a family - a really good family - it’s tough work and no one does it perfectly - I sure haven’t.  But, it can be done. 

I was told a story about a famous evangelist who lived a hundred years ago named Billy Sunday.  He was very successful, somewhat theatrical - no, very theatrical and therefore sometimes questioned as to what was performance and what was real.  Anyhow, he had a son that became an alcoholic.  On Mr. Sunday’s deathbed, he made the statement, “The world I’ve won, but my own son - I’ve lost.” Don’t wait until it’s too late to realize what matters - focus on it today.