GlocalNet

Verse:  Jeremiah 15:6 ” . . . . you keep going backward . . . . ” 

Right now our country is going backwards - we all feel it.  I’m not sure it would matter who the President was or what party was in the White House.  Right now the church in America is lost - books are written about it, solutions are proposed, models are endorsed and driven - even without proof.  Desperation can make a thirsty man drink dirty water just to survive.  Be it the church or government or even a family, for that matter, when something is wrong, the focus is on, generally, the system or the institution.  This isn’t bad.  You need systems people can follow because most are geared more like engineers than artist.  You need institutions; they outlive people and hold the values and stories of tribes and peoples.  However, what must come first is the person.  You are not deciding between people, systems or institutions, just giving them their proper place.  There is only one way people move forward - you invest in them. 

Everyone has the ability to relate to about 200 people, to be friends with 60 people, to be good friends with 20, and close friends with 3.  That doesn’t change that much.  Especially as a church grows, a business grows, or any other organization - the key is to know who your 3, are and hold that as tight as possible - but to also be sure you know your 20 and your 60 - those can change and will change more - as well as the 3 sometimes.  Whether a person is super warm and embracing or cold and aloof - the same holds true when you do a people map.  Not always, but most of the time, the difference is in the smile!

As we move through different stages of life we are all building the capacity and experiences to mentor and teach and disciple.  The first people most of us mentor, and we don’t even think of it as mentoring, but we are, are our children or nieces and nephews, or some other relationship with children.  I have always had mentors in my life, and I have mentored.  Right now, I’m involved in mentoring young church planters, I’m involved in mentoring pastors who work globally, I’m involved in mentoring a man who recently became a Jesus follower, and a couple of other groups I’d rather not say! 

Everyone wants to be mentored, but few want to mentor.  Some don’t think they have the time, others don’t understand what it is, and sadly some think they don’t have anything to offer.  I believe that the best mentors are those that have been mentored, are being mentored, and are coachable and grow and learn on a regular basis from others in life.  I don’t encourage people to ask people to mentor them. The best mentors are going to say no for a thousand reasons, but you can regularly (monthly, or quarterly) ask your hero or guru out to lunch and tell them in advance what questions you want to ask them.  Nor do I recommend you going to tell someone you want to mentor them, it can create too much dependence on the mentor and exalt them as something they are not.  Who do you mentor?  Who are you investing in?  Everyone should be mentoring someone else, at home, at work, in stage of life issues.  Here are some keys to good mentoring:

1.  Listen.  Especially if you are a rock and roll kind of person, you can listen to the first sentence and give advice, but I’ve learned the second or third sentence is the most important.  With the first sentence they’re just seeing how much they can share with you without you writing them off.  I talk too much, I’ve had to learn to be quiet for a few minutes and be comfortable with silence.  It causes people to open up, sometimes they wind up gushing for 15 minutes or more without a break!  You can’t help what you don’t know is wrong.  Listen, also, for what is not said. I’ve learned that from Vietnamese people what is not said is as important as what is said. 

2.  Read moments.  Yesterday I was with a young church planter and I could see some pain in his eyes.  I love this young guy.  He’s going to be a strong hitter.  At one point, he didn’t need words or counsel from me, or even encouragement, he needed prayer - so we did. 

3.  Be honest.  I used to tell anyone who felt called to plant a church to do it . . . . until I watched some guys fail and mess up their self-image, their family, their ministry - then I realized I had a responsibility to be honest with guys about what I thought.  You have to see the weaknesses, the wrong turns, and address them. 

4.  Don’t mentor someone who hasn’t asked you or that you love and want to help.  I’ve got to be honest - I’ve done that a time or two.  You love someone, you want to help them, you see they’re headed for a train wreck - they don’t see it.  People are least likely to receive counsel when they feel like they know it all.  It’s easy mentoring someone you don’t know well who wants help - it’s harder with someone you know really well and want to help.  It’s funny, this morning my son called me, he’s doing an MBA at Baylor and he was telling me how radical the difference is in students who have been in the “real” world versus not - it’s true. 

5.  Challenge them.  I like the 3 step rule.  It’s simple, once you see something someone should work on tell them, “Here are 3 things you can do to address that.”  There really may be 3 better things than the ones you told them!  But what you are doing is getting them to address it.  To say “fix it” is one thing - to get them on a path “fixin’ ” (as we say in Texas) it - is another.

6.  Connect them slowly and strategically.  As they grow, give them bites, small bites and see how they do.  That will tell you whether to move forward with them or not.  God gives us our networks, not just for us and our work, but others - I’m convinced of that.  BUT, the networks that he gives us should be treated with respect and care - you don’t want someone tromping on your network that isn’t ready. 

7.  Point them - to books, to people, to ideas - you’re not there to fix it for them - you’re there to facilitate the expansion of their mind, the flow of ideas. 

8.  Disengage.  There are different seasons for different kinds of mentoring.  You have to release them - and even let them go in a direction different than you may think is right for them - but you are a mentor - not a director.  If someone doesn’t want to listen, disengage.  If someone refuses to act on what you’re teaching them, disengage.  If someone is doing good without you and really doesn’t need what you have to say, disengage.  Don’t disengage too quickly, but don’t wait to long.  Frankly, it’s better to disengage too quickly than too slowly or too late.

9.  Maintain your friendship if you had it before the mentoring began.  Cards, notes, emails, etc. It’s amazing how people will flow in and out of our lives. 

10.  Learn from your mentoree - I have - I think one of the reasons Northwood has grown during the past 25 years and continued to see influence in her ministry expand locally, nationally, and globally is because of all the young church planters that may not have had all the wisdom at first, but have a lot of the ideas and communication to culture it where it is at their time in launching.  My son has been a businessman - and I learn a lot from him.  My daughter is in social work - and I learn a lot from her. Life is like a box of courses - you pick one out - and there is always more to be learned!