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This morning in my personal worship time as I read through the Bible the overarching theme was rejection.  I first read Esther 1-3 and it is the story of several people facing rejection.  There was the public humiliation of a king whose wife refused to be with him at an important event.  There were all his counselors who feared how their wives would act towards them when they heard about Queen Vashti, so they came up with the idea to have her never come before the king again.  There was Mordeccai, a Jewish man who followed God, who was rejected by an empire because of his ethnicity.  Haman, one of the king’s leaders, who was rejected by Mordeccai’s not bowing, because of the evil nature of Mordeccai.  Then we have Esther, the potential young queen in the making who was Jewish and was there to spare her people - being rejected because of race.  Wow - what a story of tons of people being rejected for tons of stuff!  I then read Psalms 97 and how some people reject the true God and would worship false idols and images before the creator God of the universe and how God feels in that rejection.  Finally, I read Matthew 10 about Jesus sending out the 12 apostles to minister for the first time and he explains how they are to deal with rejection and acceptance and how that when they follow God most will reject them.  They need to be ready for that. 

First, keep in mind rejection is a part of life.  It’s a myth that everyone is going to like you and want to be around you and sing your praises.  If you spend your life trying to be accepted by everyone, you will have wasted your life.  Even the person that smiles all the time and never says anything negative is rejected because they don’t want to deal honestly with issues.  To have no other purpose in life than to make everyone like you is to have no purpose. 

Second, rejection is one of the most painful experiences of life.  To have someone say they want nothing to do with you and they view you as “evil” or “wrong” or whatever, goes to the core of who we are as being rejected.  It’s tough even for pastors.  When I first started pastoring, I had a pastor once tell me people leave a church to join another church and go back and forth, and I need to be ready for that.  He then said, “Don’t believe what they say about me and I won’t believe what they say about you.”  I didn’t believe what he said at first, but I learned it’s true.  You can’t spend all your time trying to make everyone like you and no matter what decisions are made someone will be upset - so you’re better off just doing what you sense God calling you to do and try to keep Him happy.  I’ve been told that divorce is harder than the death of a spouse because one of the emotions you face is separation and you have no choice over it because of the physical nature of life, but there is still love.  Divorce is worse because it’s dealing the rejection of a person. 

Third, examine yourself carefully to be sure you are making the right decisions and see things clearly.  Sometimes we put ourselves in a position of being rejected not because of righteous behavior but because of “unrighteous” behavior.  I’m big into personal evaluation from people doing it anonymously in a process I use, to doing full scale 360s.  The only way to truly deal with negative behaviors is to allow people to speak into your life.  Your ability to grow and mature is probably tied more to that one issue than anything else.  Of course, once you see things you have to deal with them.  Justifying excuses in the presence of many counselors who love you prevents you from growing and moving forward. 

Fourth, people who are in leadership have to learn to deal with rejection.  People who want to change the world for the better deal with rejection.  When I was just starting out pastoring I thought if a church was growing everyone was happy and excited.  I didn’t understand all the behind the scenes junk that had to be dealt with so a church could grow.  Confrontation is the one big issue that must be done if any organization is to grow, from getting the right people on the bus, to the right people in the seats, to driving down the right road. 

I had a very opinionated view of the world growing up in my context, even though I’d never seen it!  I had CBS, NBC, ABC and the Southern Baptist Convention to interpret all of life for me.  I was an American and a Baptist - who needed any other sources of information?  But then I began to travel and discovered that some of my views and the views of people who gave me those views were not always right.  If anything, in an attempt to be self-sustaining, were actually opposite to reality.  All I had to do was to explain to people what I had seen, heard, and the perspective of others and we would change!  Right?  Wrong.  It angered people. 

Fifth, people serious about a mission they feel called to must be ready to deal with rejection.  I grew up as a young boy in my tribe going to a group called Royal Ambassadors - a missions education arm of the Southern Baptist.  The core of what it taught was that all people had a right to hear about Jesus and make their own choice to follow him or not - but we had to make sure they at least heard.  But then as I got older I noticed that what was embedded in me as a child wasn’t reflected in budgeting, personnel, focus, or even emphasis in the churches that made up my tribe.  Another example is every pastor in America says they believe in church planting - but don’t dare start a church near their church! That’s different.  It’s one thing to parrot the party line, it’s another thing to practice it. 

So what do you do? 
      1.  Ascertain the truth beyond your opinion.
      2.  Pray about what needs to be done.
      3.  Ask what really matters.
      4.  Examine your motives and intentions.
      5.  Get godly and wise counsel
      6.  Get the right people beside you
      7.  Act
 
Dealing with rejection properly only builds your character and maturity.  Dealing with it in an improper way only sets us back.  Sometimes you should respond - other times you shouldn’t.  How you respond is also critical.  I’ve been both good and bad at this - but it is something you’ll spend your whole life dealing with, so learn as quick as you can.  My friend Bobb Biehl says that some people have a biological age and a psychological age - as much as possible you want those ages to be the same - but often you can see someone who’s 60 but emotionally they’re 15.  Handling rejection in a healthy way and making hard choices based on what’s right and then implementing it in a right way grows us.  You can make the right choice, but if you implement it in a wrong way you still lose. 

One of my hero’s is a man named Oliver McTernan - he’s head of a group called Forward Thinking in the UK.  He was an Irish Catholic priest most of his life.  He’s still Irish - I think - and kind of Catholic - but not a priest.  Oliver has always looked deep at issues and matters of conscience and made hard choices but in the most gracious way.  Soft-spoken, but a bull of a man beneath his kind, gentle, Irish exterior (Yes, I’m speaking of an Irishman!).  I think the hard choices have made him what he is and his depth of character what it is.  Life handed him some tough blows growing up - but instead of being bull-headed, stubborn, and refusing to listen, he let those things grow him. 

The most painful rejection you face today is probably your greatest opportunity for growth.  Embrace the pain!