GlocalNet

This last week a young church planter came up to me and asked, “How do you deal with the jerks in the church?” I could tell he had been through a battle and was tired and maybe even scared.  Often when I speak I’m asked about this.  How do you deal with people that are out of control and counterproductive to everyone - often themselves included?  Here are some things I’ve learned over the years:

1.  Most people recognize who these people are.  They expose themselves by being harsh, controlling, manipulative, critical or whatever their poison is.  You don’t have to freak out.  Stay calm.  You’ll deal with people like this your entire ministry.  I’m sorry to say new churches sometimes are attractive spots for people like this.  It gives them a new fishing pool.

2.  Never avoid or put off confronting these people.  The longer you do the more damage they do, and the more damage they do to your credibility as the leader.  Jesus couldn’t make them happy! 

3.  After your first confrontation with them, yes, I said first, chances are you’ll have a few, never meet with them alone, always have someone with you to verify what was said. By doing this you’re not only protecting yourself, but now their words are heard and remembered by more than just you and it helps for verification.

4.  Learn to identify them: the bully, the snake, the raging bull, the passive-aggressive, the expert on everything, the person who wants to create their ideal church based on their opinion or a previous church, or another church they like.  Chances are over the course of your ministry you will deal with all of them.

5.  Don’t lose sleep over these people.  I used to, but not anymore.  You life will be miserable, you won’t enjoy your family, ministry or anything else.  Life is too short to allow your emotions to be played with by people whose emotions are broken or out of control.  Love them.  Help them as you can, but don’t be manipulated or driven by them. 

6.  Make sure your prayer life is up to speed.