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Healing Power of Mourning

Romans 12:15b…Mourn with those mourn


A heaviness weighs over our nation like a dark overhanging cloud of impending storms. We see

the deep division among the racial fault lines; political mayhem invades our living rooms every

night; endless groups of people galvanized by specific hurt, wounds or certain values that are

gathering from outside the edges of societal norms. The LGBT community clamoring for their

causes; transgender issues clumsily breaking into our consciousness. Demanding a space to

exist and the right to use whatever bathroom they choose. Wars and rumors of wars fill the

airwaves. Large segments of the church of Jesus Christ deeply divided among political

affiliations choosing sides and losing their prophetic voices in the process. Yet the hope of the

world is wrapped up into the word called reconciliation. However it seems that mourning

historically precedes the journey of reconciliation. Romans 12:15b says to mourn with those

mourn. The way to heal hurts, sadness and disappointments is to lament with those who

lament. Logic and reason cannot heal emotional pain it takes empathy and emotions to get into

the world of broken people and sit with them in that pain and share it with them so they no

longer feel alone.

God identified a problem before sin, when He said in Genesis 2:18 “It was not good for man to

be alone” He did not design man to be alone and his solution was not Himself but another

human being called Eve. We were created to remove the aloneness of each other and yet we

see that we are altogether yet alone. The church that was mandated to break down all walls of

separation and including people in a community of belonging has consistently erected walls of

division; even within its own house. Mourning is not despair or whining. It is not a cry into the

darkness. It is a cry directed first to God. It is the cry of those who see the truth of the world’s

deep wounds and the cost of seeking peace. It is the cry of those who are deeply disturbed by

the way things are. The path of reconciliation is rooted in the practice of mourning. Let’s step

back from our quick fixes, superficial anecdotes and take a seat by our brother and sister. Let’s

just sit with them; put aside your intellectual and logical answers and just mourn with them

awhile. Mourn with the refugees who has lost all; mourn with your gay friends, the loss of love

and family. Mourn with your African brother and sister whose history here in America did not

sail in on the Mayflower but on a ship ironically called “Jesus of Lebeck”, the first British slave

ship to land in America. Their history began with unimaginable pain and humiliation. Mourn

with the Mexican immigrant who left wife and kids to find work so he can feed them and clothe

them. As you mourn with them you will begin to mourn for yourself for in their pain you will see

your own brokenness. You will see that their pain is your pain and that sharing our pain can

become a source of healing. Then and only then are you truly ready to carry this gift of

reconciliation to the world.

Blessed are the peacemakers

 

Human relationships are not negotiated; they are reconciled – Robert Seiple

 

Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God – Matthew 5:9

 

 

Notice it did not say blessed are the peacekeepers. There is a world of a difference between a peacemaker and a peacekeeper. A peacemaker works toward reconciliation instead of tolerance. Its goal is transformation versus co-existence.  It deals with the heart and not just the head.

Glocalnet’s vision statement states that we are about reconciliation. The fact that relationships are to be reconciled not negotiated is a profound statement that if properly understood reframes our approach to conflict resolution. This applies to all kinds of relationships and all kinds of conflicts. Only when our goal is reconciliation instead of negotiating a transactional arrangement do we move toward a more sustainable solution. However it does require a different vision, a different set of relational tools and ultimately a desire for transformation; a permanent change of heart not head.

A different vision begins with starting with the end in mind. What is the goal we are looking for? Is it only tolerance or reconciliation; is it to be confined to our church buildings or tribe or are we called to take the message of reconciliation to the hard places of the world? A vision isolated from a hurting world loses its power.

The call of a peacemaker is to take this message of reconciliation into the hardest, darkest, most hurting places and apply the balm of healing to the hearts of people and nations. To disciple the nations it must start with healing. In the book of Luke chapter 10 verse 9 Jesus makes this point when He said, “healing precedes preaching”.

 A different set of relational tools. One of the most important relational skills is the discipline of listening to understand before you try to make yourself understood. Stephen Covey in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People articulated this principle. It’s also called listening with empathy or listening with the heart not the head. When we are in a negotiating mindset our heads lead out with logic and reason. Logic and reason are the wrong tools for emotional pain or past wounds of the heart. Only emotions heal emotions is the rule of the universe. When we sit with others and listen intently to find a way to crawl into their world, they will feel less alone after they’ve met us.

Robert Seiple, a former U.S Ambassador-at-Large for International Religious Freedom, wrote in his book Ambassadors of Hope “The ultimate sustainable solution to so many of the world’s problem is reconciliation. A permanent change requires a change of heart.”